Live Long & Prosper

Today I did something that I don’t do enough, and that involves the moon. I actually looked at it and watched it. It took me by surprise that I don’t give the moon enough credit or I don’t appreciate it enough. The moon is so important to us, even if it is only a quarter the diameter of Earth. It is our only natural satellite and its gravitational attraction causes the tidal influence. As humans, we get caught up in our own lives and communities, and we tend to forget how small we really are and what makes our lives work. When I stood there under the cloudy night sky with the scent of honeysuckles filling my senses, I remembered that I’m not alone in the world, and this planet is not alone in the universe either. Earth may be larger than some planets such as Pluto and Mars, but Jupiter is about the size of a basketball, while Earth is only softball sized. And to make it even more amazing, if the Sun is the size of a basketball, Jupiter is the size of a nectarine, and Earth, well, you get the picture, almost non-existent. But the thing is Earth is existent, to us at least. This is our home, and we may think we are the biggest thing out there, but we are not. We have to realize that there is always something bigger than ourselves out there and to other galactic planets we may just be another pea sized speck of dust that simply floats around the galaxy. I can’t believe that something so wonderful, such as space, exists and we don’t even know the complete depths of it yet. I can only hope that in some frame of time in the future we will be able to know and understand clearly all the beauty that has been put here. Who knows, Star Trek could be right, maybe someday man will go where no man has gone before.

You Were the Music in Me

I miss my baritone, even though it technically wan't mine, I miss it. I miss it more than anything. I miss playing it, I miss holding it, I miss the beautiful, deep, rich sounds it made. I miss how easily the black dots on the page just made sense when I looked passed the keys and the bell. I miss sitting next to Joy and the rest of low brass making beautiful music. I just miss music. At the beginning of the semester I enrolled for the NAU collegiate band and never was able to get a hold of anyone to rent an instrument or anything, so what did I do? I dropped it. I mean, I have next semester to do marching band which I plan on doing that's for sure. I just love music too much to just ignore it. Music meant something to me, and it still does, but music was just a part of me. Music is a puzzle piece to me, and I know exactly where it needs to go.

I have never ever in my entire life been on any kind of probation...ever. And all of a sudden I get this email saying "You have been suspended to academic probation". What the heck does that even mean?! Why would they tell me now that the last semester is over? Do they just want to like freak me out or something. I realize that I did fail PreCalc and I am really not proud of that. Part of it is my fault, but I could NOT understand the professor for the life of me! And so yeah, it lowered my GPA a little lower (or a lot lower) than I'm used to. That happened 2 months ago, and they tell me now that I'm on some sort of probation. They say I could lighten my class load. Well that won't happen because I'm not overloaded. So apparently I'm just supposed to do better this semester? Hello! I new that since I got my grades in December. Golly. So then my mother calls...great. I get it she's concerned. But stop drilling it into me. I get it. I failed. "Well maybe you should change your major. You don't need to teach Biology do you?" GAH!

I really should be taking a shower. And for some wierd reason I am chatting with Weston on Facebook. I don't know why but I figured I should just be friendly and say hello considering I haven't communicated with him since early January. And honeslty it hasn't bothered me at all. And I'm proud of that.

Random Facts That I Feel Like Sharing...
- I really want to fall in love.
- I can't wait to see "Dear John" this Friday.
- I bought a skirt today at Target that was only $4.24...I had to...
- I wish I got RayBans for Christmas so that I wouldn't have to buy them myself with the money I do not have.
- I'm really excited to take Christina's prom pictures. Plus she's getting this amazingly beautiful dress that's going to be a dream to photograph.
- Speaking of prom dresses, I really wish I had a different one.
- I hate the fact that I can't understand a word that my English teacher says...since she's Chinese...
- "I've got the horse right here, his name is Paul Revere..."
- I really really really really dislike all the snow.
- The Colts are going to beat the Saints in SuperBowl XLIV!
- I really want to buy more Taylor Swift songs from iTunes.
- According to the groundhog there's supposed to be 6 more weeks of winter. But what the heck does a dumb groundhog know about the weather?!
- I hate when my father asks me about "HAPA". No I didn't go. Sorry.
- There's a really cute boy in my English class. Actually, there's quite a few :)
- Today was really uneventful except that Kelsey and I made some awesome vids on her Flip.
- I'm still a little annoyed that I didn't get professional Senior pictures.

- I still really want to make those shirts that Joy and I came up with.

- I'm going to take a shower...boo community bathrooms.

Dear Edward Cullen:

Listen, we need to talk.

Yes, you're great and all, and just the most perfect guy out there, right?
--BEEEEEEEP--

I say nay.

Maybe, to Bella Swan, you're the best thing since sliced bread, and yes for a while, I thought you were too. But I got to thinking, would I really want my own Edward Cullen? Yes, you're protective, and that is a good thing. But over-protective? No, not so much. You play the piano, speak no lies, you're smart, have an amazing body, and quote Shakespeare. Perfect? Yes, perfect is completely overrated and boring. Don't worry, not everyone thinks like me Edward. For a lot of girls, you're just the ticket, exactly what they're looking for, but me, I like some imperfections.

You may be asking yourself, "Well LaToya, if I'm not what you want, then what is it?"
Well, funny you should ask, because I was going to tell you anyway. I don't want anything specific. I don't want some guy to come with a list of materials included, like a board game. I want someone who is so unexpected that he'll take my breath away. I want him to surprise me. I don't want someone that everyone else knows everything about.

Don't get me wrong, you've got some great qualities, but that's just it. You have it ALL. You have everything. Isn't that a little bit of a overload? Seems like some large shoes to fill if you ask me. You, you're kind of like our modern day Prince Charming. Yeah, he's...charming and all, but all together boring. He doesn't have any, hm, depth. He's very vanilla. I love vanilla, but sometimes it's nice to have chocolate once in a while.

I'm not saying you're a boring person, but man, you're hogging all the traits. You can't have it all? Why do you have it all? Is it really fair to have it all? No, it's not. Because you sir, are a trick. You're like an optical illusion.

Listen up Ed, you've fooled us all. You showed us that there is this guy out there who has all the goods, and in reality, it's all fake. Who knew that you, being a fictional character, could change so many perspectives of what a girl is looking for in a guy. But all these wonderful things that you are, too me, some of them certainly seem like downfalls. Such as, you drive 200 mph. Yes, I like to go fast, but, 200 mph is a little bit too much for me. And as much as I love a bad boy, that's a little to scary for me. You're incredibly wealthy. Yeah, it is certainly good to have money, but I mean, come on, work for a living? No, you just have money. Where's the lesson in that? You get jealous of the "guy friends". Hey now, that's an issue, because I have many many MANY guy friends. And truth be told, some of my best friends are guys. Sorry. I also find it a little strange that you have the ability to sneak into my room in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping, just to watch me sleep. I think that's a little creepy and stalker like. Hate to break it to you, but you have some stalker-like tendencies. You would follow me everywhere just so you can keep an eye out on me. I like my privacy, thanks.

I really do hate to hate on you, but I'm sorry, you're just not the one for me. Yes, you're great to look at and you care and you're committed, but Edward, I want some of the unexpected. I want some definition, and no, not just in your abs. I like not knowing a person completely, isn't that what love is about? Always finding out something incredible about some person just to (hopefully) fall more in love with them? To me, perfect is not your kind of perfect. Perfect to me is imperfection. You'll go on without me, as I will go on without you. Things are just better this way, I promise. It's just impossible for me to be with someone who is utterly perfect, and most importantly, someone who doesn't exist.

Yours Truly,
LaToya

The Sky's the Limit

November 17 at 11:00 PM to 4:00 AM the next morning is the Leonid Meteor Shower...and I really really want to watch it.

I figure, Flagstaff is pretty much one of the best places to watch a meteor shower, and lookie there, I live here. And since Flagstaff is a "dark sky" city, that means, it's super easy to see the stars and sky at night. Plus, it'll be a new moon on November 16, which calls for even darker skies. Do I really want to stay out all night on a Tuesday/Wednesday? Of course I do. Yay for Earth going through the 1466 stream again.

I love the night sky and everything in it. The stars, the moon, space, mystery, Vulcans, etc. Everything about it intrigues me. I should've gone to college to be an astronaut. Want to here a secret? It's actually been a huge dream of mine to be an astronaut, I just don't know if that's something that I could possibly accomplish. Being an astronaut involves so much physics, math and engineering. It also involves biological sciences, which I'm doing now...so I'd have one thing checked off my list.

The sky is the limit, yes? At least that's what we all say. And truthfully, maybe it is. Maybe we as humans, don't have any limits, because when was the last time you knew that the sky just, stopped, had a limit, a stopping point? It doesn't. It keeps going. On and on and on. For eons, literally. Would I be crazy if I even attempted to live this crazy dream of mine?

There is this guy who is taking off a year of his life, just to fulfill his dream...to drive around the world. Well, you and I both know that it's impossible to drive all around the world, but that doesn't stop him. He plans on shipping his Toyota Land Cruiser across the great seas of the world and drive on any land he finds. His budget: $46,000. That's a big and very expensive dream. But all in all, it's a dream, and he plans to fulfill it, no matter how much or how long it takes, he's going to do it.

I'm not saying we should all come up with the most radical crazy dreams and make them come true, but we should all find something in life to push ourselves to. When he pulls into his driveway after his long trip, what he will have will be the feeling of accomplishment. We all know what accomplishment feels like, it feels good. You feel empowered and unstoppable. Everyone, should have a dream to accomplish. Whether it's something minute, like marrying the girl of your dreams, or something even bigger, like wearing that NASA name-tag, it should matter to you. Dream the biggest dream possible, and don't let anything get in your way.

I have a dream to be an anatomy teacher. But I also have a bigger dream. And I think, that after a lot of thought, hard work and integrity, I'm going to make my dream come true. Are you?

To the Moon and Back.

It's easier to say goodnight, than to say goodbye.

Well, ain't that the truth. I hate goodbyes. Whether it's to my house as I pull out of the driveway to go to school, my dogs to go on vacation, a pair of shoes that Tony got a hold of, or my best friend...

It's been so hard without him. I'm so used to having my best friend right there whenever I need him. And now, whenever I do, he's not there. He's a whole 900 plus miles away, and that's difficult. It's not the same texting or IMing Weston. It just isn't. To me, it seems that he's gotten a better handle on this than I have. And I feel like I'm the only one missing. I don't get the gist that the feeling is mutual. He says he's busy...so am I...but I find the time. He's the one that never wanted to loose me as his best friend, it was his idea, and now I feel like I'm the one who's trying to hold it together, like I'm the one responsible. I try, I really do. And every time, I feel like I'm failing.

I wish I had a job, so that I could have money. It drives me nuts. I've applied to about a million jobs and every time it's the "We're happy to see your interest in the job opening, but we're sorry to say that the position has been filled..." Oh. My. Lanta. Why!? Ugh, if I had a job, then I could be paying for this, I could buy my own gas and groceries, and what I've wanted to buy ever since August 7th...a plane ticket to Dallas, TX. I never thought that I would want to go to Texas on my own will, but when my best friend is there, I feel like I have to. Tickets, hotel, etc...it's all so...much. Too much. I've been trying and waiting patiently to find a job, and my patience is definitely running short.

To my best friend. You've been there for me for the past 3 years and I want you to be there for me for even more to come. I wish you all the best. I really do. I know that sometimes I sound bitter towards all of this, but it's because I'm missing the fact that you're not coming home soon, you're not on vacation. Even though I was your first girlfriend...I was your best friend first, and I still am. But it kills me to know that I was the first girl to hold your hand, and now you're holding some other girl's hand. I know it shouldn't bother me, and that's why I try not to let it, but sometimes, in the back of mind, I feel pain. I've learned to breath without you, but I need your shoulder to cry on. And that's something I'm still learning how to live without. And it's hard. It's not easy for me. At times I feel like I've lost a friend...but it's like this Einstein quote...

"I like to think that moon is there even if I am not looking at it."

I feel like this with our friendship...I can't see it all the time, but I like to think it's there. And I know it is, but sometimes it's too cloudy to see it. I miss Weston. I miss my best friend. I miss being able to fall back on someone. I don't even know what this would be like if we tried to keep the relationship long distance. I definitely would have cracked. But I can be strong, or I can try to be. Though he's physically not here, I know that somewhere he's there, and I know in the back of his mind and the bottom of his heart, he misses me too.

Hydrogen + Oxygen = Water

In my great attempt to balance chemical equations, I sit, and procrastinate. Who really needs to know how to do this? I'm not going to be a chemist. Why must it be required for me to take this? Porque.

It's officially the 7th week of school, and let me just say, it is freezing cold. And the thing that gets me every time, is that, it's going to get even colder. I could cry. My flip flops are going to have to retire early, which they never have done. Flip flops for me are an all year thing, but no, not anymore. Mother Nature thinks that Flagstaff has to be flipping cold, and she laughs in my face. Doesn't she know that they are my security blanket? Well, practically at least. I was walking back to my dorm after spending an hour in Starbucks attempting Chemistry, and the freaky thing was, I could see my breath. And we haven't even had midterms yet.

I was eating dinner with Breeana Summers, and she said this:

"Do you realize that after these 4 years here, you will no longer live with your mom? We'll have to pay our own phone bills, our own utilities, everything. I think I just want to live here for the rest of my life."

Great. Just great. Way to scare me Breeana. But no kidding, I don't want to grow up and have like, oh my goodness, adult responsibilities. Dang. But what I am really excited about, is being a teacher. The thought in my mind just really excites me. I'll wear a lab coat and act like I know what I'm talking about to confused teenagers. But really, it does make me look forward to the future a little bit. I want to change a kids life, and I'm not sure how I can do that by being a Biology teacher, but I'm sure there's a way. Teachers have huge impacts on kid's lives, whether it's in a good or a bad way. Either way, my plan is to leave an impression, just like this one teacher I had for about, oh 6 years. She knows who she is. She changed me, completely for the better.

If I had a glass, I would toast. To the future and all that it beholds. It's scary and exciting, but whether I'm ready or not, I just have to see how the pieces fall in place.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt